


The Relic

by CaptainOfTheKryptonSpacemarines



Category: Warhammer 40.000
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, Comedy, I Blame Tumblr, Inspired By Tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:34:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24563182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainOfTheKryptonSpacemarines/pseuds/CaptainOfTheKryptonSpacemarines
Summary: In Mars, a relic from the dawn of technology is brought forth.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

It is the 41st Millennium. For more than a hundred centuries The Emperor has sat immobile on the Golden Throne of Earth. He is the Master of Mankind by the will of the gods, and master of a million worlds by the might of his inexhaustible armies. He is a rotting carcass writhing invisibly with power from the Dark Age of Technology. He is the Carrion Lord of the Imperium for whom a thousand souls are sacrificed every day, so that he may never truly die.

Yet even in his deathless state, the Emperor continues his eternal vigilance. Mighty battlefleets cross the daemon-infested miasma of the Warp, the only route between distant stars, their way lit by the Astronomican, the psychic manifestation of the Emperor's will. Vast armies give battle in his name on uncounted worlds. Greatest amongst his soldiers are the Adeptus Astartes, the Space Marines, bio-engineered super-warriors. Their comrades in arms are legion: the Imperial Guard and countless planetary defence forces, the ever vigilant Inquisition and the tech-priests of the Adeptus Mechanicus to name only a few.   
  
Upon their greatest bastion, Mars, one such tech-priest presents to the Arch Magos, Master of the Mechanicum, a relic more ancient than some stars themselves. This relic was found on Terra, the craddle of humanity, and the data banks reveal this relic to be from a time before the Age of Stife, older than the Dark Age of Technology. Almost older than what their data-banks can recall...almost.  
  
The Arch-Magos looks over it, the letters upon it barely there, blurred by the eons until there’s little left of them, but it is still there.

And the relic still lives.

The Arch-Magos reads out the letters, writen in an ancient language similar yet quite so very different from the Gothic with all due proper reverence.

“Nokia-“ The words break the omnious silence of the room “A word of power, undoubtedly“

The relic stirs to life and the room’s air becomes charged with dread as fear that the Arch-Magos has somehow insulted the Machine Spirit within the relic comes to them all. Then, a tech-priest from the Arch-Magos' retinue notices inscriptions have appeared upon the relic and he attempts to read them, his Gothic sloppy after centuries of speaking nothing but binary.

“Warning-Battery at 10%“

The Arch-Magos realizes what this means and shouts out, his voice a fearsome roar that would’ve brought fear to the hearts of anyone but his people-who have denounced such things as feelings, seeing them as weakness-  
  
“The Machine Spirit of this relic is dying! Quickly, recite with me the Lithanies of Recharging!“ He then looks upon the adept nearest to him “Bring electric substenance with haste!“


	2. Chapter 2

Inspired by the post in this link: <https://chewedcorn.tumblr.com/post/620130931614859264/nokia-never-disappoints>


End file.
